A Doe's Revenge

For all of you waiting for those does to kid . . .

This time of year, we anxiously begin to anticipate the pitter-patter of little hooves running around the farm. I know some of us are already in kidding season, and for the rest it is fast approaching. I am aways reminded to take out my copy of the Secret Code of Does.

To those of you that have never heard the legend of the code, it is said to be older than domestic goats. It was penned eons ago when man realized that goats could be tamed, tasted, and produce the sweet taste of fresh goat milk.

It has been passed down from doe to doeling, hidden first under stones and in hollow trees. Later, as people begin to house goats in barns and stables, it was hidden in the cracks in the walls and hollows under the mangers and hay racks. Even though no one truly knows who discovered "The Code", it is rumored hat it was first found on a small farm in the mountains of Switzerland early in the 19th century. That copy was carbon dated and found to be written in ancient goat language dating 437 B.C.

Although it took scholars years to translate it, late in the 20th century, around 1963, the translation was finally completed. It began to be passed from goat keeper to goat keeper. At last, I was given a copy a couple of years ago by an old goat keeper who took me under his wing. For those of you who are new to goats, I would like to share with you the best kept secret of the species.

Secret Code of Honor 1- No kid shall be born until total chaos has been reached by all involved. Your owner's home must be a wreck, their family hungry and desperate for clean clothes, and their social life nonexistent. 2- "Midwives" must reach the babbling-fool status before you kid out. Bloodshot eyes, tangled hair and the inability to form a sentence mean the time is getting close. 3- For every bell, beeper, camera or whistle they attach to you, kidding must be delayed by at least one day for each item. If they use an audio monitor, one good yell per hour will keep things interesting. 4- If you hear the words, "She's nowhere near ready. She'll be fine while we're away for the weekend," wait until they load the car, then begin pushing! 5- Do not consider going into labor until owner stress is at an all time high!

If you are in the care of someone else, ten to fifteen phone calls a day is a sign

you're getting close. 6- When you hear the words "I can't take it anymore!" wait at least three more days. 7 - You must keep this waiting game interesting. False alarms are mandatory! Little teasers such as looking at your stomach, pushing your food around in the bucket and then walking away from it, and nesting, are always good for a rise. Be creative and find new things to do to keep the adrenaline pumping in those who wait. 8- The honor of all goats is now in your hands. Use this time to avenge all of your barn doe mates. Think about your friend who had to wear that silly costume in front of those people and the last goat show. Hang onto that kid

for another day. Oh, and they make her do tricks too! Three more days seems

fair. Late feedings, the dreaded diet, bad haircuts, those awful wormings

can also be avenged at this time. 9- If you have fulfilled all of the above and are still not sure when to have the kids, listen to the weather forecast on the radio that has been so generously provided by those who wait. A severe storm warning is what you're waiting for. In the heart of the storm, jump into action! The power could go out and you could have the last laugh. You have a good chance of those who wait missing the whole thing while searching for a flashlight that works! 10- Make the most of your interrupted nights. Beg for food each time someone comes into the barn to check on you. Your barn mates will love you as the extra goodies fall their way too. Remember, this code of honor was designed to remind man of how truly special goats are. Do your best to reward those who wait with a beautiful doeling to carry on the Secret Code of Honor for the next generation!

By Vernonica Smith