You Know You're A Dairy Farmer If . . .

You know that you're a dairy farmer if: * your favorite mixed drink includes Yoo-Hoo. * that billboard that says, 'Say No To Crack' reminds you to pull up your jeans. * your local newspaper has a front-page feature called 'Cow of the Week.' * you own a trophy that includes the words 'cow chip toss' on it. * you practice your cow chip throwing techniques while they're still fresh. * your kids hide the Easter eggs under cow patties. * directions to your house include 'turn off the paved road.' * you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Cool Whip on the side. * no matter how you clean your hands, the dirt under your nails won't come off. * people come to your door mistakenly thinking you have an auto salvage business. * your favorite song is -- Old McDonald! * your sewage system consists of a pipe down a hillside. * you wake up in the morning already dressed for work. * taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen. * your idea of high-quality entertainment is a six-pack and a bug-zapper. * you think a manicure is some kind of French doctor. * three-fourths of all the clothes you own have logos on them. * your mailbox holds up one end of your clothesline. * you've ever given livestock as a wedding present. * the Marlboro man is your idol. * you've ever had a conversation about truck tires that lasted more than an hour. * you call your wife 'ma' and want her to call you 'pa.' * you have two pairs of jeans and six pairs of boots. * your front yard has any broken appliances in it. * you watch Jerry Springer to see if any of your relatives are on the show today. * your daddy's last words were 'Hey ya'll look what I can do!' * your lawn furniture was in your house last summer. * your car uses more oil than gas. * your gene pool doesn't have a 'deep end.'