You Know You're A Farmer If . . .

You know you’re a farmer if…. * You know all the words to Big Green Tractor and International Harvester. * The weather forecast determines how your day will go. * Getting dressed in anything but farm clothes is painful. * Shopping for fun means a couple hours at Tractor Supply. * The people that know you best work at the local feed store. * Being without a truck for a week like missing your shoes and working barefoot. * You have subscriptions to Goat Rancher, Dairy Goat Journal and Llama Life (or livestock of your choice). * A good mail day is getting one of the above. * You hang out in the livestock barns at the county fair. * Your work pants (in my case, overalls) weigh about 30 lbs. by the end of the day or week because they’re filled with baling twine, hoof trimmers, screws and nails, screwdrivers, etc. * You have to leave your work boots on the porch. * A “roll in the hay” means you slept in the barn because you have a sick animal. * A jeweler looks at you with disgust when you bring your rings in for cleaning. * Someone arrives for a farm visit wearing high heels and white pants and you look at them like they’re from Mars. * Kids think you’re cool. * Your emergency phone number list consists of veterinarians. * Your cupboards and a shelf in your fridge are full of syringes, wormers, and other livestock medicines and treatments. * Your sinks need to be cleaned of hay daily. * Breakfast is the most incredible meal of the day. * The words mucking and fecals are used often. * You plan your life around feeding times. * You know you will never be a hand model. * You have Bag Balm for your animals and your hands. * You are late or cannot attend events because of chores. * You’ve canceled a dentist or doctor’s appointment because of a sick or birthing animal and the receptionist sucks in her breath with that “you can’t be serious” sound. * You’ve been outside in every temperature and every kind of weather, and thoughts of Toto from the Wizard of Oz have popped up more than any other. * Seeing old farmland replaced by development makes you physically hurt. * Doing your hair means picking hay out of it.